Author: Ashelynn

This is me: Just an average human being trying to figure out this life like most everyone else. I’ve spent most of my life within the culture of the Christian Church (evangelical/nondenominational-ish). From graduating high school as a home-school student, to attending a small, Presbyterian-Christian college, I lived comfortably within my Christian ‘bubble’. Spoiler alert: bubbles pop; and, things have gotten a little messy along the way. I now find myself on a journey of uncertainty. I am not a theologian, an intellectual, or a scholar. But, I am driven by a deep and genuine desire for truth, faith, and peace. Welcome to the mess of honest doubt.
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The Shadow of Doubt

The voice is back again…

It is a relentless, merciless, and cruel companion. 

It whispers from the shadows,

 “You are not enough. You are not enough for him. You are not enough for them. You are not enough for anyone. You have never been enough. It’s all too much for you. You will never be enough of anything to be truly useful in this world. What do you have to offer anyone? Nothing. You are useless.” 

The voice is like poison to my soul. Its words are paralyzing. What if it’s true? What if I truly have nothing of value to offer anyone? No real use in this life? Do I just take up space? Am I simply not good enough, strong enough, not capable enough to make it in this life? Perhaps it is true. Perhaps I’m not of any real value. Perhaps…perhaps my life is a waste. 

Continue reading “The Shadow of Doubt“

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Concerning Christianity

This journey of doubt is painful, to say the least. My heart is a mess of uncertainty, and the truth is I’m terrified. My heart desperately wants to believe, but I am not exactly sure what to believe anymore. What if Jesus is a fraud? What if the Bible is nothing more than a fairytale? What if my life has been spent chasing after something that doesn’t exist? Everything I am has been shaped by Christ; my identity so ingrained in Jesus that apart from Him I lose the essence of myself. I am lost without Him. I don’t want to let Him go. But, I don’t want to be a fool.

Where do I go from here?

Continue reading “Concerning Christianity“

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The End of Certainty

There was a point in my life I was certain; certain of my purpose, my future (eternally speaking), and my faith. I was sure God existed, the Bible was inerrant, and I was certain truth and salvation were found in Christianity alone.

That is, until my certainty began to fall apart. Continue reading “The End of Certainty“